Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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