Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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