Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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