i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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