dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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