I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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