Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
