dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
