The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
