so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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