Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
