That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
