I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
