okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
