Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
