john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
