Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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