This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
