Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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