hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
