ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
