i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
