I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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