I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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