I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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