Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
