Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
