Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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