Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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