Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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