I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
