Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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