Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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