Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
