that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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