believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
