You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i now understand why vodka
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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