Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
