So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
