lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
