i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
