how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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