the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
