yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
