I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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