wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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