kristin has been a bad kristin
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
