Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
