The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So much rum. So many feels.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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