My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
