we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm too high and old for this...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
