I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
