I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
