I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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