i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
