and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
